her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is Oprah even human
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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