we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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