I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
