I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
