relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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