I wish i was in the wii world.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
