We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
