Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I could make wine with my vomit
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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