I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
