sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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