I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
