kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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