I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
