i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
