When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
