whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
