It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
