he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
