So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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