Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
