When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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