Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
