He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
