Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
