What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
