I CAN MOONWALK!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
