Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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