I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
