I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So squirting runs in the family.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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