If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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