so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
