i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
