Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
