Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
