sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
