Sorry, I don't speak sober.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
