I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
