i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
