Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
