Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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