You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
