Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
