i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
