Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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