My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
