Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
