I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
