is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
barbara walters just said penis...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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