Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
