so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
