I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
