If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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